‘Listening and talking’ is also a vital part of a child’s development. Children learn a lot through everyday conversations with their parents, siblings and friends; it is important these conversations are kept positive and clear to help with their development.
There are many ways families can encourage this, through everyday routines and activities.

Children have great imaginations so joining in with them while they are playing is a great time to be listening and talking with them. While they are drawing or painting pictures you could ask them to tell you a story about their picture - you could also write the story down and read it back to them.

It is a good idea to think about the tone of your voice and how it sounds to them. Think about their excitement and enthusiasm and try to put that across when talking. It might feel a bit strange at first, and it might seem like you are speaking in a silly voice, but you will soon get used to it!!

Another way to encourage listening and talking is by asking open ended questions and comments, which require more then a yes or no answer, like “Tell me about the fun things you did today;” instead of “Did you have fun?” This will give your child lots of opportunities to talk about their day and gives you the chance to hear how things are from their perspective.

By making lunch together, you can talk about the different things you could make and the shapes, tastes and smells of your food. By using open ended questions, you could ask your child about their favourite foods and why they like them.

How often have you seen your precious little one struggling to climb up onto the slide or the see-saw at the park? Your first instinct is to help them by giving them a lift; and how many times has that help resulted in a full blown tantrum of how they “didn’t want that!”,  “don’t touch me!” or “I can do it myself!” This very familiar scene can usually be easily avoided by simply listening and talking with your child. By asking your child before offering your help you can encourage them to make choices and is a great opportunity for them to feel heard. For example, “Would you like me to help you with that?” is a great way for children to discover their own abilities.

When talking with your child about their behaviour, it is helpful to be realistic about what they can and can’t do. For example, a one year old is going to make a mess when feeding themselves and you can’t expect a two year old to sit still for a long time.

•           Get into the habit of using positive language to focus attention on the outcome you want; for example ‘walk when you’re in the house’ rather than ‘don’t run in the house’.

•           Try drawing their attention to what you are talking about; for example, pointing to or holding a particular object.

•           Give a specific explanation about what is expected and why; for example “We fasten our car seat straps before we drive in the car in case we have an accident.”

•           If something goes wrong, you could talk to your child about what happened. If they are too young to talk, think about why things didn’t go as planned - your child might have been tired, hungry, frustrated or frightened.

‘Listening and Talking’ is the focus of Children’s Day this year (1 March). Celebrated the first Sunday in March each year, Children's Day – Te Rā O Te Tamariki – kicks off WellChild week and provides New Zealand families with a great opportunity to spend time together.

For more information about ‘Listening and Talking’ and positive parenting talk to your Plunket nurse, or call PlunketLine at 0800 933 922 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week).

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