Ever looked in the mirror and hated what you see? It's not usually that your roots need retouching or you should have taken off your make-up last night. Usually what's shocking is the tired, tense look that settles on your features when too many people are asking you to do too many things and it feels like it's never going to stop.

But it's hard to put on the brakes and say no to the demands. We've had decades of being told that good girls think of others before themselves, and we're probably too scared to admit that 'having it all' too often means we end up 'doing it all'.

Look at any woman around you and think about how many roles she fulfils: Daughter? Wife? Mother? Employee? Volunteer? Friend? Neighbour? It's hard to feel like the Number One priority on your To Do list. But without replenishment, pretty soon you'll be running on empty. You know those rusted out old heaps of cars you sometimes see on the side of the road? That's what happened to them. You don't want bits to start falling of you, do you?

·        Yes, it would be really nice if someone came along and said 'Put your feet up - I'll do the vacuuming/bath the children/ write the report/take the car for servicing for you.' But it doesn't happen often, and the more you do, the more others will expect of you. Understand that you will have to take responsibility for taking the load off yourself.

·        Fully accept that you deserve a bit of nurturing. If you collapse, how are you going to get all those things on your list done anyway?

·        Now this is the really good bit. Have a think - a daydream, a wild fantasy even - about what it is that would refresh you. If all you come with is your reasons it's all impossible, imagine that you are your own best friend. Knowing you as well as she does, what would she do to make you feel cherished and cared for? (And if you get too carried away, think of affordable alternatives!)

·        Book some time - even an hour every two or three days - to do something you'd enjoy. Make it an appointment in your diary. Want to read a book? Work in the garden? Trawl through the shops? Even a walk can be a dramatic mood-altering experience because exercise is a major stress reliever.

·        Check that your diet and your sleep are adequate. Bad food and not enough sleep will frazzle you in a hurry.

·        Practise active relaxation or meditation. A few minutes each day will not only be pleasurable, but will make you more productive in your other activities.

·        Notice the benefits that come from looking after yourself  - and schedule your next appointment with yourself with a good heart and clear conscience!

Article by Rosemary Hepozden

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