Don't let your parenting style soften

When your child is upset it's natural to want to coddle him and make things easier for him. However, allowing him to run amok will hurt him more in the long run. Begin by checking your own attitude. Remember to be as positive as possible. Children will feel a lot more secure knowing that mom is on top of things.

Let your child know what you expect of him. Speak softly and lovingly, but be firm. Give him a structure he can work with. Encourage him to try to follow your rules, and do so by talking with him rather than to him. Take time to answer questions patiently, and praise him when he is cooperative.

Don't let a child get away with trashing the rules. Your 'no' must be respected. A little tantrum or even a legitimate crying spell should not result in him getting his way if it breaks the reasonable boundary you have set. Guard that boundary firmly, but not with anger. Show your child by example how to control his emotions. Be sympathetic but firm.

When your child misbehaves, encourage him to talk to you. Discuss why it was wrong and ask him if he can come up with ways to do the right thing in the future. If he becomes part of the process he will gain confidence in his ability to handle life's problems.

Be fair when deciding consequences. You might even consider getting your child's opinion on what the consequences should be. Funnily enough, they will often suggest a more severe punishment than you would! When it comes time to make a decision on the punishment remember that harshness will destroy your child's confidence just as quickly as letting him get away with murder will. Try to make the punishment fit the crime if you can, but be firm about carrying it out whatever you decide. Tell him often how much you love him, and express your belief in him. Hugs work wonders, so be generous with them. If you create a safe set of boundaries for your child, you will help give him back a feeling of security as he adjusts to his new life.

Article by Rachel Goodchild

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