Parents have relaxed a bit by the time the second child comes along, and the novelty of taking lots and lots of pictures and being amazed by the ordinary little milestones has worn off somewhat. A middle child can sometimes feel unloved, even when loved dearly, simply due to this lack of intense focus. While the first born is blazing new family trails by always being older, and always getting age-related privileges first, the second born has to sit and wait. Middles feel left out, more so than a younger sibling in the same boat but who has the compensations of being the baby.

A middle child with no clearly defined sense of placement in the family, and with little clue as to who he is or what is expected of him, will often turn his attention outside the family. He is more likely than his siblings to challenge the status quo of the family. Middles can have many friends and will likely flourish within a group of friends. Because of this, they are the children who might feel the pull of peer pressure more keenly than other children. They are influenced by those from whom they get recognition. They might more easily slip into rebellion if their emotional needs are not recognized and acknowledged, sometimes even choosing dangerous ways to be noticed.

Middles are always lagging behind their older sibling, who is struggling and competing to maintain the top of the heap position. Rather than fight a losing battle, middles will find something entirely different to get the attention they need. If big brother or sister excels in sports or gets better grades, a middle child might develop an interest in band or theatre. This way, achievement can be accomplished but without having to compete on the same playing field with the older sibling.

Middle children are great at coming up with compromises and working through problems with negotiations. Just as first born children can be more aggressive in nature, middle born children can be more sympathetic to others. They care more about others, and try harder to understand them. In return, they need to know that they are understood and accepted as well.

by Rachel Goodchild

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