Mind your manners

Have you ever noticed that when friends and family come into your home, you treat them respectfully, you say please and thank you and you offer them drinks when you fancy a coffee? So why is it so easy to forget to do these small niceties to your partner?

Living with someone every day means we feel comfortable around them and we slip into routines... you cook the dinner, he puts the garbage out. It's nice to have routines for these everyday chores but it's nicer still not to take your partner for granted!

Next time your partner does something nice for you, like get rid of a spider because he knows you hate them, give him a little cuddle and thank him. It's so easy to express your gratitude and it makes him feel appreciated. He may even find renewed enthusiasm for the chores - most men want to please their partners.

It's a little trickier if you feel taken for granted because your partner never seems to thank you for things you do, so some prompting is in order. Gently does it - instead of snapping; 'You never thank me for cooking your blimmin' dinner!' try suggesting in a round-about way that you would really appreciate his gratitude for your efforts; 'I know lasagne is your favourite dish - are you enjoying the meal I cooked for us?' Chances are he will realise that he has been so busy wolfing his dinner that he has forgotten to thank you.

If the house-work is not divided fairly, express this in a non-accusatory way and make a list of chores that need to be done - then divide the work out to be shared. Pick and choose the chores that you don't mind. I hate vacuuming, but my partner has no problem with it so I am happy to trade vacuuming for cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. Yes, men do seem a little afraid of cleaning the loo! And at the end of the chores when the house is looking great, remember to stop and thank each other for the work you did.

Busy, busy, busy

There are never enough hours in the day right? These days it seems we are so busy being 'super human' - leaping out of bed for the gym or trying to beat the traffic to work, getting the kids ready for school and working late to keep the boss happy.

It's quite frightening how much time we spend working, getting home shattered and tumbling into bed with very little quality time with our loved ones.

The daily rituals of modern life can be exhausting and demanding on even the best relationships. Sadly, more often than not you have to make the effort to schedule quality time with the one you love, but it is necessary for your relationship health.

Here are a few ideas for giving each other a bit more time...

• Why not set the alarm ten minutes early and use this time to kiss and cuddle your partner and snooze in each other's arms - it's a wonderful way to reconnect with your partner and support each other for the busy day ahead.

• Instead of eating dinner in front of the television and ignoring each other, try to eat at the table (and swap the TV for some music you both enjoy) and take turns listening to each other talking about your day. Venting is fine if one of you has had a bad day - it is an opportunity to show support and love for your partner, but don't dwell on the negative. Try to share positive stories and laugh together.

• Go for a walk around the local park after dinner - even ten minutes of fresh air will help you both to relax and enjoy each other's company. And you don't have to be talking a mile a minute to feel close to each other, you could simply sit down in the grass together and just enjoy the stillness and the mutual meditation of being outside.

• Schedule one night or afternoon a week for a date. Leave the kids with a doting grandparent, or get him to tell the lads that he'll go fishing with them another day. These dates don't have to be an expensive five star restaurant - it could be a simple picnic in the park, or fish and chips at your favourite beach, but scheduling that alone-time together shows that you are putting time and energy into the partnership and leaves both of you feeling valued and loved.

• Meet for a coffee or lunch in the middle of the day. If you are both at work and are able to meet for a quick catch-up during the day it can be a great interlude to keep your relationship healthy. It doesn't have to be a romantic time, but it does build on friendship and support when you give each other time out of a busy day to be there for each other.

Remember the courtship days

You've heard the saying before 'don't sweat the small stuff' - well this can easily apply to your relationship. Isn't it funny how he never used to belch after a meal when you first got together? Or maybe he makes a strange groaning noise when he's eating that you used to find kind of cute, but now it's starting to drive you insane... Ask yourself 'Are these things really THAT bad for my relationship?' If the answer is 'No' - learn to let it go and love him, warts and all.

And think about the way you are around him as well... You probably didn't slouch around in your paint-stained track pants with your slippers on when you first started seeing each other and chances are you made more of an effort to 'freshen up' before you went out for that romantic dinner date.

Falling into 'comfortable' habits can be just that - comforting, and there is nothing wrong with this stage of a relationship, but take the time to remember what it was that made you fall in love with your partner and he with you and try, now and again, to recapture that...

Perhaps you and your partner met on the dance-floor and share a love of dancing? Even if your night-clubbing days are long gone, dim the lights, flick on the stereo and grab his hand for a boogie in the lounge - remember the way you used to move together and find a CD with favourite tunes that bring back memories.

One of the glorious aspects of growing in a relationship together is that you make new memories with each other all the time, but remembering what it was about your partner that gave you a thrill when you first met is a great way to keep that spark alive.

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