Is there trouble in paradise? Don’t be surprised if it happens to you. It’s been accepted for years that a young bride will call home to Mother, distressed by one aspect or another of marital life. This can happen as early as the honeymoon in some cases...

It’s normal for some brides to suffer a post-wedding depression. Most of these depressions are a matter of adjustment to married life and are not very serious, but sometimes the blues can get out of hand and affect the marriage as well.

The anticlimax blues

Generally the newlywed blues come from the anti-climax that settles into the post-wedding period. As a wedding is planned the couple become more and more involved in the micro-details, and everything seems to be at a fever pitch of excitement, activities, nerves, and the accompanying physical and emotional exhaustion. The wedding is the centre of intense focus, and there is not a moment to rest. The grand day arrives and is filled with emotion and tight schedules as the various wedding events take place. Then the honeymoon catapults the couple into married life with a dream vacation and hopefully a blissful period of time just for the two of them. Once home, the reality of everyday life can descend, and it can feel quite underwhelming. There are so many adjustments to make with living styles, money styles, housekeeping styles, and social styles.

It is not surprising that this post-wedding time will bring on a bout of the blues. There is no longer a momentum to carry the couple forward. This leaves a lot of downtime, not to mention a constant proximity with each other. Even when couples love one another deeply they must adjust to having the other around all the time. They must adjust to having to take the other person’s wishes into consideration when decisions are made. This can lead to hurt feelings and frustrations.

Expectations of married life can be deflated in this post-wedding period. When we fantasize about ‘happily ever after’ we are not fantasizing about sharing a bathroom, seeing clothing carelessly tossed about, and dirty dishes piling up in the sink because one or the other hasn’t taken a turn at chores. Just as the positive emotions are near the surface, so too are the negative ones. This is because we are naturally more vulnerable when our hearts are so open. Two people must find a satisfactory way to mesh their two lives into one. To expect the new spouse to be perfect is unrealistic and unfair. Each must give the other adequate space and the benefit of the doubt.

Rationality is called for. Communication is essential but it must be tactful. Newlywed couples must be honest with each other and yet ever mindful of the feelings of the other. Now is the time to set the precedence for rational discussions when things go wrong. The best thing the couple can do is understand in advance that the post-wedding time can be difficult and be prepared to face the ups and downs together.

Love will conquer all in most cases. Regardless of the arguments that are bound to ensue, most of the time love will be stronger than the difficulty that is being faced. Wise family members will stay out of the issues and if moved to give advice, give only positive advice. Cases of newlywed blues that don’t correct themselves might need intervention, but this is best done with a trained third party. Often a minister or priest can counsel newlyweds and help them find their way back to each other when they get lost in their new life together.

Article by Rachel Goodchild

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