Especially when children, jobs, homes and hobbies all take their toll on time and energy, maintaining the thrill with 'Old Faithful' can feel like one more chore on the list. The sense of sexual urgency evaporates, to be replaced by the thought that there will always be another day and therefore it doesn't really matter if you finish off your book instead of turning on your partner. Not so.

'Women want to be adored; men need to be admired', so the old saying goes, and, over time, sinking into sexual complacency can turn the tightest relationship nasty. Thankfully, there are some simple steps to take to keep that flicker of passion burning all the days of your lives....

Remind yourself what drew you to your lover in the first place. It's likely that quality still exists somewhere, so concentrate on it and respond accordingly. Think what it is you admire about them, and then having sex with them will seem like a privilege.

Remember that sex doesn't have to be steamy and powerful every time. Comfortable and cosy is okay, too.

Slipping a paper bag over your head and yelling, 'Take me now, Johnny Depp!' might well be considered poor form, but do let yourself shut your eyes and dream a little. Fantasies can be fun - and they do work.

Don't take liberties when it comes to personal grooming. Inflicting bad breath, stinky armpits or ragged toenails on your partner is inexcusable, even if they've been around twenty years and you just know they'll never leave.

Work out positions and techniques that accommodate any medical conditions that make sex painful or awkward. Enjoy the experimentation.

Be a generous lover. Take the time to find out what your partner wants and be prepared to accommodate it. It might sound terribly calculated, but some long-term lovers find keeping a 'wishing bowl' effective. You write down on strips of paper something you'd like to do, say, listen to or feel. Put the strips of paper into a bowl and take turns regularly to draw one out and then do as you're asked.

When it's time for conversations about sex (if you want to explain to your lover that you'd like them to do more of something particular, for example), stick to the point. Don't add 'And anyway, you always hog the remote control!' into the conversation.

If desire still seems impossible, don't mutter 'Oh that old thing!' and turn your back. Allow yourself to be coaxed into a response. Your lover knows you well enough to raise your interest. Lie back and enjoy.

Article by Rosemary Hepozden

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