Making time

The day to day routine somehow takes over your life and your thoughts, and the special moments just get overlooked and forgotten. This is the first step towards getting your relationship back on track - you need to make time. Even after a long day at whatever work it is you are doing, you must be able to spare some time. You need to. Your relationship won't work without some quality time spent together.

Pay attention to their needs

Your life partner needs to be able to count on you when needed. During the time you spend together, make sure you are both aware of each other's needs, and ready to satisfy them. This can be a function of spending time together, as you begin to become aware of the needs you can fulfil. Be prepared to make personal sacrifices if you have to, and always be prepared to make time, and listen. If the relationship is the highest priority in both partners' lives, it becomes easier to make the small adjustments needed for the higher goal. When you can intuitively know your partner's needs, without them telling you, then you will know that your intimacy is being rekindled.

Listen and understand

One absolute essential in successful relationships is validation. You will never find two people anywhere who will agree on everything, or share the same tastes. The important concept here is 'understanding'. Even if you don't agree with your partner, you need to be able to understand, and see their position as valid. Good listening is what makes this possible. It won't be hard, if you have a genuine interest in your partner as a person. Be prepared to share your life without fear, and you will have sown the seed from which intimacy grows.

Intimacy after baby

Restoring intimate relations after the birth of a child can be one of the hardest steps to take in any long term relationship. Childbirth itself is just such a huge life experience, not to mention the tiredness you will feel and the lack of time that the new family member will bring to your life. Here is where it is vitally important to take your time. A mother after childbirth will rarely look unchanged, and will often be very conscious of that fact. Her partner needs to be reassuring, and especially patient. When you are ready, take gentle steps first. Get a babysitter, go out to a favourite place, and get to know each other again. Make a rule of no baby talk. Adult topics only. Start with the old ways of courtship, simple hand holding and caressing, and take it from there.

Article by Ruby Rhodes

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