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What He Really Wants for Christmas
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woman_with_candy_cane2.jpgBuying Christmas presents for the men in our lives can be a little daunting. You want to be more imaginative than socks and boxers, but you know he needs his holey boxers and raggy socks replaced, so where do you start? Our resident male explains why you should forget the socks and boxers and how you can give him the best Christmas present ever (even in the middle of a recession!)






I can't stand buying presents at Christmas.  Yes, I know, bah humbug and all that.  It could be a guy thing - a study in the UK showed that men going Christmas shopping could reach stress levels equivalent to World War I bombers flying into combat.  How could you blame us?  The crowds, and incessant Christmas carols looping over bad department store PA systems, the stressed out mothers and fathers clamouring for the last Spongebob on the shelf, knowing that they face eternal rejection from their snotty offspring should they fail. When I was a 16-year-old shop-boy, I had a woman burst into tears on me when I told her that the store I was working in had run out of Teletubby’s Po! I kid you not.  Not only that, but with every carefully gift-wrapped expression of love, we become a bit money-poorer or, even worse during these credit crunchy times, in debt.

The question is, why do we buy each other presents?  Social obligation?  Guilt?  Habit?  Clever holiday marketing?  Possibly, if you’re a true Grinch, but surely these gift-giving opportunities are a chance to turn to our other in amongst the sound and fury of everyday life and say: Hey.  Glad you’re here.

So if the act of gift buying and giving is less about the adding to material clutter around the house, and more about the expression of how you feel, then there’s no reason to bust the bank in order to celebrate Christmas with your good man.  Instead, consider swapping a bit of time for money, for what I like to call, “International (enter your man’s name here) Day.” An entire day, planned and executed by yourself, costing only as much as you want it to, celebrating all that your man loves (even if – perhaps especially if - you think it’s lame).
 
What?  Is this some kind of misogynistic male fantasy?  Umm... perhaps.  But hear me out.  It could also be the height of romance. "International (enter your man’s name here) Day" is better than any material present a guy could get, and, like scratching a dog’s belly, he will be pampered into submission, and you will be buying goodwill for a long, long time to come (and you can bet he’ll be thinking hard about what to get you for your next gift). You can pounce it upon him unannounced or formalise it with advanced invitations (or perhaps best, enticing hints).   While it may sound like a lot of effort it could, in fact, be deceivingly easy.  We men are simple creatures and are fairly easy to make happy.  So forget the hot air balloon rides and glamorous road trip destinations (sorry, Rotorua), just make sure any kids you have hanging around are at the grandparents house for the day, and take it back to what makes your guy tick.

Some ideas:

•    Start the day with the classic breakfast in bed.  Remember: fancy may not be the best way to go, if your man is a bacon and eggs type of dude.  And while you’re in the bedroom, there are other luxuries you can offer to signal to him that this is going to be no ordinary day (and I’m not talking about fresh sheets on the bed).
•    There’s likely to be some driving today, so if you’re lucky enough to have an iPod and an FM transmitter, create your man’s ultimate playlist for the day.  Don’t worry, you can delete the Metallica from your iPod when the day’s over and no-one need ever know.
•    Does your man have a car fetish?  Take him to a local dealer and let him test drive his fantasy vehicle – added fun in pretending that you’re rich enough to afford it. 
•    Grab whatever gold coins you have lying around and hit the local arcade for some air-hockey, rally car driving and shoot ‘em ups.  Your cool girlfriend quota just went through the roof.
•    Lunch time.  Probably no need for high-society here.  Find out where the best Fish n Chips shop is around your neighbourhood (the internet is useful here) and grab a bottle of cheap but-nice bubbly to enjoy on the beach.  If it’s secluded enough, a little sandy afternoon delight shouldn’t go astray.
•    Round up his mates and covertly organise for them to meet your man at the golf course/bowling alley/footy field.  Yes, hand your man over to his mates for some boy time.  The act of not only agreeing to but even organising some no-female activity involves generosity that will not go unnoticed.  Besides, this gives you an hour or two to have a break and maybe meet up with the girls for a sneaky vino.
•    After you pick your man up from Man-Time, it’s likely to be nearing the evening.  So, have a think about this – is your man a fine wine and dining type, or would he actually be happier (and probably surprised) if you took him to see the latest testosterone-driven explosion-fest at the movies?  Or, failing that, how about nipping to the local DVD store and picking up his favourite movies for an evening in?  Yes, this may mean that you have sit through The Godfather or Armageddon, but surely the goofy grin on his mug will be worth it.
•    Eventually: bed time.  I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you know exactly what to do here.  By this time of the day he’ll be completely yours, and this is your moment to give him one last reminder why he’s got the best in the game (you).  In other words, if he’s been bugging you about that Lara Croft fantasy: green singlet, cut off shorts and an old backpack then indulge him.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all an oh-my-god-this-is-so-good night.

Article by Clayton
Clayton is a freelance writer, designer and illustrator living in Auckland, with a 9 to 5 in the marketing world.  His band once had a song on the Radio Tairua top 100, but that was mostly because he agreed to design the station's logo.  If you came over to his place, he'd cook a great Moroccan Chermoula fish meal, but if you came over again the next night, it would probably be take-out.  He does a mean David Bowie impression, and his Bob Dylan is coming along nicely.


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