It’s actually fairly easy to be a “man’s point of view” columnist for a women’s publication like Gloss.  In the same way that a Scotsman need only start talking for us to find him hilarious, all a writer needs to do to appear as if he’s giving away great secrets to the male mind is merely be somewhat honest. 
What to do then, when a pitch for a new column subject arrives in this writer’s inbox from aforementioned publication’s editor, subject heading: 10 Ways To Be A Good Husband.
This is no longer a man speaking to women, spinning fantastical yarns of the depths and depravities of the male mind, taking healthy liberties and laying on thick hyperbole in full knowledge that the audience, no matter how suspicious they may get, can never really disprove any of it.  This now is man talking to man, like a group of 10-year-olds standing back at the school disco, scratchy formal pants riding up uncomfortably as we blink in terror and confusion at the line of girls lingering on the other side of the hall, we lean surreptitiously to one side to ask each other: What do we do now?

The answer to which is, and has always been, and as offered by this author once again: Dude, I have no idea. Or put more eloquently by Sigmund Freud in 1955: The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a woman want?" Right on, brother.

So now that it’s we men talking, this author will make no claims to any great authority on the subject.  Like everyone else, I’ve made my mistakes.  I’ve been labelled as obnoxious when I thought I was being funny, patronising when I thought I was being comforting, arrogant when I thought I was being charming.  I have left and been left.   I have been quietly smug at how great I was doing while things have fallen down around me.  I have had partners fall in love with others, including best friends (hers and mine).  I have accepted, in what I thought of as at the time a noble manner, the parting words of a lover, only to find out much later that they had wanted me to protest their leaving.

And we can admit here, man to man, that most of us only have the very vaguest idea of what we’re doing at the best of times.  Like the first time our dad let us drive, we’re mostly happy if we can drive in a straight line 50 yards without stalling or running over the neighbour’s cat.   However, because the challenge has been laid down, and because we’re proud animals if nothing else, let’s give this a shot.

10 Ways To Be A Good Husband

1. Take one for the team, champ.
Why do we actually marry?  The answer as far as I can see is: because it makes life that little bit better.  The partnership of spouse and spouse must surely be one of mutual support.  For as long as that union lasts (and most of us still enter into matrimony wanting to believe it will be forever), the individual is only as strong as the team.  But things can turn adversarial quickly: it becomes him vs her – who’s putting in more effort, and who doesn’t care?  Who does more chores?  Who’s nicer to the kids? 

As a husband, you’re 50% of the winning formula.  No more and no less.  You know that if half the team’s needs aren’t being met, the team as a whole is suffering.  As a husband, you’re going to celebrate her victories even if they make you a bit jealous, because they put your team on a slightly better footing.
 
2. Know the difference between a complaint and a problem.
We men are chronic problem-solvers, which is a problem in itself.  Sometimes we forget that our lovely wife can be recounting a problematic situation for a myriad of reasons other than she’s wanting us to put on our self-important man-hat and solve it for her.  The first stop should always be attention, followed by empathy.  Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, defined empathic listening as just that – listening.  Let the other person say as much as they want to say, and offer regular assurance that you’re actually listening, i.e. by repeating key points or by summarising what you are interpret the speaker’s underlying feelings to be about the subject, i.e. “Your boss really pisses you off, huh.”  This way, the speaker can full get out of their system whatever it is they need to vent, and will often be lead by their own train of thinking to their own solution to the problem (if they want one).  Sounds easy to do but it isn’t:  resisting the urge to be Mr. Fix-It doesn’t come naturally to most of us guys but it seems it might be worth developing.