You love your mother but she doesn’t seem to understand that you are an adult… How can you tell her she’s not the boss of you anymore? 

Relationships start the moment we are born and there is no relationship as important of influencing on our lives as the one we have with our mothers. From their wombs we are born and from their teachings we become adults. Over the years of a lifetime and the stresses of life and the world around us, the relationship we have forged with our mothers oftentimes, falls by the wayside. We forget all these women have done for us and all the have given to us throughout our lives.

How can we restore and bring life back to our relationships with our mothers?

They’ll always be our parents
First we have to realise they are still our parents and are still going to hold onto (sometimes a little too strongly) their parenting nature. They can't just let it go. It is their mothering nature to point out how they feel about our lives. Sometimes all it takes is a gentle reminder to mom that we are no longer babies, needing her protection and coddling every moment of the day. Other times it takes being a little more aggressive and standing up to her and letting her know what we don't like about the way she treats us as adults. This is often enough to change the protective behaviours, but when it is not it may simply be best to understand they worry because they care and nothing we do will ever change that part of them.

Sometimes we need to firmly establish our boundaries in our lives. Our parents are used to being able to criticise our actions as children and carry it over even when we become adults. Again we need to set clear guidelines and boundaries. Let them know how we feel and that as much as we appreciate their concern and thoughts for our well being we are no longer children.

Parental control isn't given up lightly, even when we are old enough to be parents ourselves! We need to have an open line of communication with our parents and especially our mothers. We need to let them know that sometimes we appreciate the concern and sometimes it is not needed. If it is something they have raised their concerns about before and we have asked them to step down from they need to understand a big part of being an adult is dealing with the consequences of our actions.

Unfortunately though, there will also be times when the relationships with our mothers are beyond repair and we need to understand that like any relationship there is a time to walk away. We will still love our mothers from afar and perhaps try to reconcile in the future, just sometimes relationships need a break to heal and the mother and child relationship is no different.

Article by Rachel Goodchild

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