Remember when you were a little girl and you thought your mother was so incredible that you tried desperately to emulate her - dressing up in her old clothing and trying on her makeup? Then BOOM you hit their teens and your mother becomes a complete freak, she doesn't understand you at all!

Often these relationship rifts work themselves out when the daughter reaches her twenties and the mother and daughter bond reforms again...

Common problems
A common problem in the mother/daughter relationship is for the mother to seem like she is still trying to exercise control over her daughter's life even though her daughter is old enough to make her own decisions. Mother's can find it hard to 'let go' of their children into adulthood and if this is the case you will find her constant questioning of your career, the way you spend your money, your partner and on and on very frustrating.

The best thing a mother can give her daughter is her own independence and the right to make her own decisions. Mother's can encourage their daughter's to become independent from a young age by allowing them to choose options and follow their own path in life. Insisting that their daughter study science at school for example, when the daughter wants to take design does not allow the child's own mind to have value and the decision making process is not developed. The family can sit down together and work out pros and con's to allow their children to make decisions and develop their own judgment.

Here's how to help make amends if you and your mother conflict...

Acknowledge your differences
Try to understand why your mother thinks a certain way and listen to her reasons. You don't have to agree with them but people always want to feel they have been listened to. At least give her the respect to hear her out before you voice your opinion on the matter.

Be firm on your opinion
Take some time to process your mother's opinion and then when you have evaluated your perspective be firm with her on your reasoning. You can begin by saying, 'I have a different perspective...' That way you emphasise that your perspective is different but you're not challenging the validity of her opinion.

Agree to disagree
Disagreeing is ok. If you can't come to a mutual agreement on the issue then it is perfectly fine to accept that you both disagree on this matter and that is okay. If an issue cannot be resolved then you can forgive each other for this and try to move on, instead focusing on the common ground you do share.

Article by Je t'aime Hayr

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