One thing that is hard on many women who date men with children is that the children always take first priority. It can be hard to understand the relationship between a parent and child, if you don't have children yourself. If you are dating a man who has children, you will have to get used to taking second place. One mistake a lot of women make when starting out dating a dad is that they try to compete with the children for time, affection and love. This is a mistake that will always backfire; the man and his kids will end up resenting you for it.

If you are dating a divorced dad, and his ex still takes the kids on certain days of the week, planning your dates for the nights when he doesn't have the kids is a great solution to making sure you have him all to yourself at least some of the time. Make sure your guy knows that this is your night to focus on your relationship, and unless there is an emergency with his kids that requires his attention, then this night is just about the two of you. This will make it a lot easier on you to let him be a daddy when he does have his kids. If you are dating a dad, who doesn't have a mum in the picture for his children, help him arrange for a babysitter one night a week, and make it a regular date, so that you don't end up resenting the kids.

One person you should not feel second to is his ex. If they are on good terms, think of that as a good thing, it is great for the children to see their parents still getting along, and not fighting. You do not want to cause problems by trying to stop them from having a good relationship, because of jealousy.

Your role with the children

Most dating dads are very protective of their kids and will want to move slowly and carefully before introducing you to his kids, especially if they are young. Do not pressure your guy to move faster than he feels comfortable where his children are concerned, he knows them best. If you are at the point in your relationship where you are interacting with the children a lot, do not push a relationship on them. Let it come naturally, forcing the kids into something that is unnatural such as calling you mum, especially if they still have a good relationship with their own mum or she has passed away recently can really hurt your relationship with them.

Talk with your partner about what he sees your role as. If he wants you to be a mother to his children, make sure you are clear up front of what that means to both of you. Discussing these things up front is something that can save a lot of frustration later. If you are going to be playing a big role in the kids' lives, sitting down with the kids and discussing your place is an important thing to do. It will give the kids a chance to ask questions to you and your partner about how things will change. Change is a hard thing for kids to handle, especially if the death of their mother, or if their parents divorce is still fresh in their minds. 

Overall, communication is the key element in any relationship, but especially one where a child is concerned.

by Rachel Goodchild

Be first to comment this article

Only registered users can write comments.

Please login or register.