How well do you know him?

One of the most important aspects in any romantic relationship is getting to know your partner.  However, even face to face this is sometimes difficult.  It takes time, and an array of challenging life situations for us to come to know someone really well.  Lacking the face-to-face option, couples who live far apart must spend more time with each other on the telephone, or on Instant Messengers, or in email.  They must make a concerted effort to communicate openly and frequently.  It's necessary to schedule whatever time they can afford in visiting with each other in person.

There are so many things that cannot be perceived about another person unless it is in person.   Arrange for time together so that you get a feel for the mannerisms and gestures and body language of the other.  Even if these opportunities don't come very often, they are very important for the relationship.  The magic that one feels from a distance can sometimes amount to nothing more than a fantasy of what they wish the other person to be.  It's important to discover if this person is who you have built him up to be in your mind and in your heart!

What are your relationship goals?  Are you expecting to be together permanently one day?  Take into account how moving from one city to another will affect the one who moves.  Who will be left behind in the old city?  Family?  Children who live with the other parent?  Are comparable jobs available in the new city?  What other expenses will be incurred with a huge move?  Is the person who is moving flexible enough to make these changes without suffering too much stress?

Any relationship needs nurturing, but a long distance relationship needs it even more so.  A special effort needs to be made to communicate properly and to find ways of dealing with any difficulties that crop up.  Both parties need to be understanding, trusting, and supportive of each other.  The distance will make communication frustrating enough, and the couple would be wise to make a pact that they will always be open and willing to listen to the other.  When there are misunderstandings, it's all too easy, from a distance, to become silent and invisible.  This is one of the greatest stresses and causes of insecurity in a long distance relationship.   Be willing to face the problems that occur and work together to solve them.

Long distance relationships are challenging, but if a couple makes an effort to keep communication open and resolve the smaller problems as they occur, the larger ones will have nowhere to gain a foothold.  If the partners have the same goals for the relationship then it can have a positive outcome.  Many couples have found each other across the miles, and many have made their relationship work with great success.

Article by Rachel Goodchild

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