Of course, for a long time it’s been considered perfectly acceptable, even admirable, for an older man to date a younger woman – think Donald Trump, Rod Stewart and Bruce Willis.  But there has been an enduring stigma attached to the older woman who dates a younger man.

A ‘Cougar’, according to Urbandictionary.com, refers to: “a 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male.”  That definition is certainly pretty derogatory, suggesting that A) – at 35, you’re deemed as old and B) Older women are “preying” on younger men, as if the younger men are somehow being taken advantage of (yeah right).

So the term Cougar does carry negative connotations, but for our purposes, I’m referring to a Cougar as a confident, attractive older woman who might enter into a relationship with a younger man.  I think now that ‘Cougarism’ has fully entered into popular culture, the status of a Cougar is not seen as an insult, but as acceptable, and even aspirational, thanks to celebs such as Demi Moore (who was 42 when she married 27 year old Ashton Kutcher), Madonna (who could forget her 22 year old toyboy Jesus Luz?) Halle Berry (the father of her baby is nine years her junior) and Courtney Cox, (star of TV show ‘Cougar Town’ and also a Cougar in her own right, having married the much younger David Arquette.)

Of course there are still those who look upon a Cougar relationship with disdain, but it’s far from the taboo that it used to be. So, I thought it would be fun to do a little bit of research into the positive and negative sides of the Cougar phenomenon.  When it comes to the Cougar and her cub, does age really matter?

Pros
The sex drives of older women and younger men are often more evenly matched.  Men's testosterone levels go down in their 40s, while women's sexuality peaks in their 30s and stays there for quite awhile. Older men also experience more sexual problems than women do, so dating a younger man can equal better sex for a longer time.

Younger men are more energetic, fun and willing for adventure.  Middle-aged and older men tend to be more stuck in their ways, and less willing to try new things.  With a younger man, you might find yourself doing things you never dreamed of doing – travelling to far off places, trying new sports or activities.

Dating an older woman can be fulfilling for the younger man as well – he will see the older woman as knowledgeable, experienced, and will like the fact that an older woman knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it – this makes the woman irresistible to the younger man.

A woman dating a younger man is far more likely to keep herself in peak physical condition – exercising regularly and looking after her health, in order to keep up with the younger man.

Cons
Younger men, while they may be more fun, and up for adventure, they are less mature.  It might be good if you’re in a second time around relationship, where you don’t feel a need for the level of commitment you may have wanted in your younger years. I.e. marriage and babies, as chances are you’ve already had that.  But if that’s something you’re still looking for, then a younger man may not be willing or (financially and emotionally) able to provide you with these things.

You may find that your interests are incompatible – if there’s a significant age gap, you may like different music, films and television, and be interested in going to different restaurants and bars and doing different leisure activities. While perhaps this isn’t the be-all and end-all, it will certainly be a source for antagonism in the relationship.

Forbes.com reports on the so-called ‘Cougar Backlash’.  Apparently, a German research company, Max Planck Institute, published a study saying that women who marry men either older or younger than themselves die earlier than those who marry men their own age (within one to two years).  The press got hold of this story, and has uniformly spun it to show that women who marry younger men die early, and therefore it is used as a warning against dating a younger man.  But they fail to mention that the study also warns that women who marry older men die early too.  And what’s worse – this affliction only affects women who don’t marry men their age – not men.  Kiri Blakely, who writes the article, wonders (and rightfully so) – did Hugh Hefner fund this study?

In conclusion?  While I’m only 25 and not quite in Cougar territory yet, unless I plan on dating a teenager, I don’t see anything wrong with an older woman dating a younger man.   Hey, maybe it will make you die younger, but wouldn’t you rather spend your last years with someone who looks like Ashton Kutcher or Gabriel Aubrey rather than Donald Trump?

Natalie Cosgrove

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