How well are you able to listen to others with real empathy? Leadership expert Sally Mabelle takes us through ways we can become more empathetic and improve our relationships with others.

Empathy is a primary capacity which connects us to others, and the inability to feel empathy is a major obstacle which keeps us distant and disconnected.

By real empathy, I mean feeling with another person and attempting to step into their shoes to experience their perspective.

Here’s a simple exercise which I first learned from a practitioner of Avatar, an international personal development program. I recommend you begin practicing this and notice how your ability to accept and connect with others improves. You’ll find yourself more deeply respecting the inherent worth and dignity of those in your life and consequently feeling more connected to them.

You can practice this exercise silently, anywhere you are in a public place.  Perhaps you could try it in a restaurant, shopping centre, train station, or even a business meeting.

First of all, focus on someone who you may have difficulty relating to. It doesn’t have to be someone you know well - anyone who you might have even slightly negative feeling towards will do.

Now, hold an image of this person in your mind or look at them discreetly as you say the following four statements to yourself:

1. Just like me, this person wants to find happiness.

2. Just like me, this person wants to avoid suffering.

3. Just like me, this person is seeking to fulfill his/her needs.

4. Just like me, this person is learning about life.

You will notice that after you begin practicing this, you will begin to feel empathy for this person, and your normal, more negative reaction to the person will soften.  You are naturally an empathetic being, yet sometimes empathy has been schooled out of us with an overemphasis on appearance, competition, and ‘appropriateness’.

Give it a try, and I’d love to hear how it works for you.

Here’s to a world where more of us feel connected to ourselves and others, and a world full of goodwill, understanding, caring, and cooperation as a result.

Article by Sally Mabelle

Sally Mabelle is a leadership and communications expert.  For more information go to www.sallymabelle.com.

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