We just can’t help it. We compare ourselves with friends, our sisters, neighbours, even movie stars and total strangers!

Growing up, we come to believe that there is some sort of a ranking - that some people are better or worse than we are. We think girls who have better grades or are sportier than us or who have more friends or who have better jobs than us are somehow better than us. We do this so naturally we often don’t even realize we’re doing it.

"The desire to compare ourselves to others stems from a need for reassurance. We want to be acceptable," says Carolyn DeRoo, author of What's Right with Me. "The problem is, instead of feeling affirmed, we often end up feeling like we're lacking in some way."

Thinking that you’re better than others, or worse than others, is unhealthy and stops you focusing on being your unique best. Let’s think a bit more about why:

1. Rankings are not that clear-cut and they change all the time. Someone who is doing great this month may not be doing so great next month. We may be great at music but terrible at science. We may be sporty but may not be able to read or write very well. When you compare yourself against another person, you’re narrowing the world into just that one aspect that you are thinking about. In this way, your comparison exercise becomes too simplistic and you end up with a disproportionate generalization about you and the other person you are comparing yourself with. So you end up with a false comparison.

2. There are many things that go on in people’s lives that we know nothing about. When you find yourself comparing, remind yourself that there are many things that are going on in that other person’s life that you know nothing about. What you can see is only a tiny proportion of what that person’s life is like. You have no idea what difficult people, relationships, or problems they have to deal with.

3. Thinking so much about other people takes away your focus on the most important person: you. Everyone has their own life journey. Focus on your own. Your life is yours and yours alone. There is no one like you, no one who has or will have a life like yours. We must get away from the false idea that other people are our competition. They are not - because we are all not running the same race.

Rapper Rah Digga got it right when she said “I compare myself to myself. I don’t compare myself with other people. I feel like I’m in my own lane. I’m from my own school. Nobody else is cut from the cloth that I’m cut from. You do your thing and I do mine and hopefully the roads don’t ever collide.”

The best thing I learnt growing up is you are either your best friend or your worst enemy. Stop being mean to yourself today (“I’m too flabby”, “I’m so stupid”) and start being your own number one fan (“I’m not perfect but I’m getting better”, “I’ll keep working on it”, “I’m on the right track”). There will be only one you in the world. Make that the best you you can be!

Article by Christine Chan

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